Saturday, December 17, 2011

When Organs Go Rogue

I'm falling apart.

I understand now why some people have irrational fears of hospitals and doctors.  They just might find something wrong with you.

I was having minor lower back pain on my right side.  Nothing too severe but it did not go away after several weeks.  Shivering uncontrollable while not killing an elk in Colorado and helping load/unload bales of hay does NOT help this sort of thing BTW.  My intense fear was it was due to 4-wheeler riding and other associated hunting activities.  I secretly made plans to not tell my wife if this was the case and would simply hunt until crippled.

I go see the doctor.  And then a radiologist.  And then have my DNA assaulted with a chest x-ray.  Nothing looked out of whack (Latin for marginally messed up) but there was discovered a family of 3 kidney stones living on the LEFT side.  What?  "But I don't hurt over there (pointing to left side), doc!"  

This led to a knitting needle being pounded into a vein in my left arm for the contrast agent and a CT scan to produce much greater detailed and expensive images.

Actual size of needle used to inject contrast agent!

The following is a list of good findings along with things out of whack.  ALL are asymptomatic ..... for now. 

  • Heart, lungs, spleen, right kidney (my favorite one), colon, adrenal glands, liver, appendix and guts all got an A+.  The report goes downhill from here.
  • My prostate is a tad large (stinks to get old; tell me something I don't know).
  • Minor compression in my lumbar spine with some minor osteophytes (little bone growths) at the L2-L3 and the sacral region (stinks to get old a bit more).
  • Diverticulosis but no sign of diverticulitis (great, my colon is aging quicker than the rest of me)
  • A small "fat-filled umbilical hernia".  Nice.  Nothing says "sexy" or "winner" like a "fat-filled umbilical hernia"!  "Do these pants make my fat-filled umbilical hernia look fat?"  My sister was born with an extra rib.  My grandmother had an uber-slow growing benign tumor on the side of her brain stem, probably from childhood.  Do I get something "extra" that can be discussed in open company or would be useful (like a third arm)?  No, I get a previously unknown umbilical hernia.
  • Left kidney is really upset in a passive aggressive way about the previously unknown stones not paying rent.
  • The Boone and Crockett stone is 3.7mm.  I'm planning on a shoulder mount when I meet him face-to-face.

A Man in the Woods

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