Monday, June 15, 2015

Squirrel 911

I’m at work, fresh from a vacation.

Phone rings.

14 year old is in tears.

Dog maimed a tomato-eating, pear stealing squirrel in the backyard.

I’m instantly jealous since she got to hunt and I’m stuck at work.

Squirrel is by base of tree, moving, but not well.

14 year old says it has a broken leg.

Being knowledgeable of both her limited orthopedic training and a fox squirrel’s will to run away from danger , I suspect internal wounds and a broken spine.

“Give the phone to your little sister.”

10 year old, the blood-thirsty one, concludes she is not strong enough to kill it.

10 year old mentions we are not really supposed to shoot guns in the neighborhood. (WHOA!!! Not what I had in mind.)

10 year old now in tears.

“Give the phone to your oldest sister”.

She can’t talk right now.  She is the shower.

17 year old, freshly cleaned up for her squirrel execution duties, calls back.

We have a quick discussion which included phrases like “butch up”, “circle of life” "end his suffering" and covers the merits of shovels versus butcher knives.

We discuss the intricacies of cervical dislocation (“breaking his little squirrel neck with a shovel” if you are from East Texas).

We hang up.

3 minutes later, I get a blow-by-blow summary of the execution.

Comment of the day:  “I did not know squirrels were so big!”.

I thank her.  Not quite as easy as killing a deer with a rifle... is it?

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A Man in the Woods

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